2008

I've been thinking about this past year. In so many areas I can see how God has been moving and I am praying that 2008 will be a year of miraculous events. I pray that I will see it in the church, in our homes and in our lives.

Happy New Year!

AHHHH

Ok, so I am a 40 year old college student. It is an amazing feeling when I get to put the books in the bookcase and tear up all the unimportant papers that have accumulated through the semester. There is just something about hitting that send button to submit my last assignment for the semester. It's a mix of feelings ranging from accomplishment to freedom. Another semester done and a few steps closer to my degree!

Our relationship with God should be like that, I mean, God is always teaching us and it's up to us to learn. Once we learn something, God is already moving to the next level, wanting us to follow. Each level brings us closer to the time when we'll be with him forever - graduation!

Are you doing your homework?

D

Family Stick

The other day our son Alex came home from school holding something he had made. It was a colored wrapping paper tube onto which he pasted cut-out heads depicting each member of the family. Wow, does that boy have a keen eye! Each of "our heads" were placed in the proper order from top to bottom. He didn't miss anything, not my mustache/goatee or his older brother's buzz cut. It was a remarkable piece of work.

As I look at it, I'm reminded how God notices every detail of our lives. Scripture says that he knows how many hairs are on our head. He knows about our strengths, weaknesses, successes and failures and he can use them all for his glory.

Just as Alex recreated our heads in intricate detail, God knows us and desires to use us, faults and all. The question is, will we let him?

Christmas Joy

Ok, I admit it. There have been times in recent days when I wasn't exactly joyful that Christmas Day was approaching. It isn't that I don't love the holiday, or realize the true importance and significance of what God did for mankind. My focus was diverted from the true meaning to thoughts like "what will the kid's think with another year of space under the tree?" Or. "Can I find some extra job with insane hours to make-up for my shortcomings as a dad?"

Pondering this at work the other day, it was brought to my attention that many children do not have families to celebrate Christmas with. Or, worse, they have families that want nothing to do with them.

That was the attitude adjustment I needed. I think I will hold my kids a little tighter this Christmas... and the whole year through.

Honesty and Transparency

As of today, I'm almost through the book entitled "Confessions of a Pastor" by Craig Groeschel.

It has been a breath of fresh air and has challenged me in so many ways. This past year my family and I have been through some things, some things that I erroneously thought that a Christian and especially a minister should be above or be immune to.

This book has really helped me to see my own humanity in a different light. What I have read is starting to sink in and, more importantly, change me.

I also am following the blogs of several staff members at a church near Columbus, Ohio who are attempting to go 21 days straight without complaining. It has been refreshing to follow and relate to the struggle such an attempt presents.

Problems, Prayer and a Laughing Duck

Phil 2:5 KJV

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:...

In several instances during the past few months, I began to feel like I was "losing it." Instead of waking up with a song or scripture verse in my mind, I would wake up to the sound of maniacal laughter. I would also hear it during the day, while praying or reading in my office. Always the same sinister "ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha".

The past several months have been a valley in my life, full of questions and concerns. While I was still praying and believing God for the answers, I couldn't help but feel like I was getting laughed at by the enemy of my soul - Satan. Physical problems in my family, lost loved ones seeming more lost than ever, families continuing to crumble and discouragement was running rampant.

One day last week, I heard the laughter very loudly. I quickly spun around in my chair and looked out of my office window. There, just a few yards away, were my neighbor's ducks. I noticed that one duck, actually I think it is a drake, opened his bill really big and let loose with that same menacing laughter that I had been hearing. Now it was my turn to laugh, hysterically. I have never, until that point, encountered a laughing duck, well, at least one whose call sounds like a laugh.

Since then, things have been different. Where there had been darkness, shafts of light have begun to push back the inky blackness. Some families on my prayer list are showing signs of healing. Broken relationships are being mended. Again, I'm waking up in the morning with a song or a scripture verse in my mind.

Are there still problems in my life and family? Sure! However the power and strength to deal with those problems is also present through my relationship with Christ. Am I relieved that I am not losing my mind? Absolutely! (Some might say I lost it long ago.)

What are you and your spouse or family facing today? Know that your strength, hope, fulfillment, joy and happiness are found only in Christ. He is the one who can get you through the times when it seems like Satan is laughing at and lying to you! Be fervent in prayer, asking God to renew your mind and give you the mind of Christ. Wait for God to answer - because he will!

Oh yeah, when you think you hear someone laughing at you, be on the lookout for a white duck

Ministry vs Occupation

Monday, as I was working, I began to simply talk to God. I was asking him to give me an opportunity in ministry. For some time now, my family and I have been waiting for God to open the door to a full-time ( or even a part-time) ministry.

Now, I'm not sure if the thought that entered my head next was from God or my own imagination. The thought was this. "I called you to ministry, not necessarily to an occupation." WHAM! WHACK! OUCH!

I remember back a few years, when I first answered God's call. I remember telling a group of married couples that I didn't know if I would ever make a dime from the ministry that God has planned for me. My gift is in a ministry area that most churches cannot afford and simply cannot budget for. I was immediately met with comments, such as, "I bet your wife hopes so", "you had better make some money to pay back your school loans" and "if your not going to make any money, why are you doing it?."

Funny thing is, I was OK with the possibility that I might not make any money and would be required to work a job to support my family in addition to ministering. But, somewhere along the line, I developed this notion that being a full-time minister, pastor, or in my case, a pastoral counselor required pay.

Perhaps, I'd be better off reclaiming my initial mindset (I know my blood pressure would probably go down) of expecting to be in servant ministry. God knows!

Much Needed Lesson In Walking By Faith

Have you ever felt like, not only did you take a step of faith to follow God's will for your life, but every step is clouded in the darkness of the unknown.

I've been struggling with that recently. When I finally answered the call to ministry, I was excited, I couldn't wait to get started. But something happened. Being in volunteer ministry has been the most rewarding, exciting, challenging and frustrating experience of my life thus far. It had been my expectation that I would somehow transition into a full-time paid position at some church. However, that hasn't happened yet and I sometimes feel like I've been led to a desert place and abandoned. I know I haven't been abandoned, but it does feel that way sometimes.

Today was our monthly sectional ministers meeting. Pastor Clay was there to lead us in a time of prayer. Wow, was that ever needed. As I listened, prayed with and was prayed for by my brothers in the ministry, God spoke some things to my heart. The first was that I needed to trust Him - he holds my future in his hands. Second, I lack confidence, I have an inferiority complex, especially around other ministers. Aside from all my faults, God showed me that he created me with characteristics that I view as weaknesses but he wants to use as strengths through his power. WOW!

Normally, I'm not an emotional person, but the tears began to flow as I poured my heart out to God. If you struggling with your self worth, if you feel inferior, know that you don't have to impress anybody. Be honest and open about how you feel and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to you!

Something New

Tonight our church board, myself included, and spouses and our pastoral staff and spouses are getting together for a time of fellowship, prayer and, hopefully, dreaming. To my knowledge we've never done this, for the purposes of visioneering anyway.

For our church to move forward, I believe we not only have to know what God wants, but what we, as the church leadership want as well. If we don't know where we are going, how will we get there?

I'm excited, nervous and apprehensive, all at the same time. God's will!

Challenged

It is amazing to realize the importance of having friends means to our lives. I had a conversation, yes, it was over the internet, with a friend this morning. We chatted about some things and as we shared some of our concerns with each other, we began to move from the place we were, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually, toward a destination, that we have yet to discover. I say that meaning that while we didn't solve our dilemmas, we did move toward something that could develop into a solution(s).

It was interesting to watch, as the tonality of the words typed across the screen began to change as we discussed issues and bounced ideas off of each other. Without friends, we are left with carrying our own troubles and problems while we look to God for our deliverance. With friends, we can lighten the load on each other's shoulders by working together and allowing God to point towards the solutions needed for the problems in our life.

God Is Amazing

It has been an amazing couple of weeks. The Holy Spirit has been working in so many lives and connecting all the pieces to minister the Word as he wants it. God gave me messages for a specific church and confirmed it through the services. I've even experienced the powerful event in which God gave another minister and I , unknowingly, the same message and text which we preached within a few weeks of each other. God is speaking and moving.

WOW

I've spent a considerable amount of time during these past weeks in prayer, specifically in regard to the calling God has placed on my life and the ministry that the Holy Spirit is birthing in my heart. It is often so tempting, to look at things through our human eyes and say, "Nah, that could never happen, not here, not for me." I took a few minutes today and quickly scanned through yesterday's issue of the Today's Pentecostal Evangel. I was struck by a statement that Zollie Smith Jr. made after being elected as the director of US Missions.

He said something to the effect of, "Young people, your gift will make room for you, you must pray, you must be persistent, you must let everyone know that you have a mandate from God, and you must not shrink back."

Now, I know that I'm not as young as I used to be, but Brother Smith's words spoke to me. Particularly, "your gift will make room for you." Man, that encouraged me to dig in, to hold tight to that which God has called me and pray for it's fruition.

If you're discouraged, tired or have just received another letter telling you that you are not being considered for that ministry position that you applied for. Chin-up and know that God is working and will bring you into that calling, that vision and that destiny that he has ordained for you!

Of Seeds, Salt and Light

The other day I watched as the husband of a woman, who was resting on a chair inside our church's tent, paced back and forth on an invisible line, waiting for her to come out. We had the opportunity to share a little bit about salvation, and about what Jesus had done in our life. The woman was indeed curious, perhaps, deep down in her heart, even willing to accept Jesus, but she was resistant because of her fear of her husband.

It was obvious that he wanted her to come out and that he was not going to come in. He was tired, he tried leaning on a tree, stooping momentarily with his hands on his knees but he was not about to enter some church tent to take an empty chair.

The woman's friend had told us of the husbands position. No church, no God, NEVER! One has to wonder what happened in this man's life to leave him so bitter and dead-set against the things of God. As the woman continued to rest and the husband saw that we were only extending the kindness of a chair in a shaded tent, he began to soften and stepped inches closer.

Once the woman was rested, she stood up, thanked us and, grabbing her husbands arm, begin to walk off. To our amazement the husband stopped, turned around and thanked us. Did they accept Christ that day, not to our knowledge. However, a seed was planted.

Rather than standing in the aisles of the market screaming, "Repent or you're going to hell," we offer a non-threatening place to rest, talk and relax. I am amazed how this surprises people. Nothing to sell, everything to give, should they accept it.

A little light in a dark place goes a long way!

Long Time In Coming

I have been wanting to start a blog for a long-long time. I'm not sure why I haven't. Maybe its because I write in other areas, websites and e-letters and that has kept me busy. But the idea of expressing some honest thoughts from where I am in life is far too intriguing to pass up.

Lately, I have been experiencing a mix of emotions, thoughts and feelings. God has been faithful in allowing a good "mix" of positive and, um, not so positive things go through my mind. I thank him for all of those things because even the ones that are unpleasant remind me of my dependence on him.

Like starting this blog, most of the things in my life were a long time in coming. Like answering a long-time call to ministry after 20 plus years. So here I am at 40 still completing a ministry degree from SAGU, still waiting on God for my first pastorate or ministry ( that will at least help me provide for my family of 6) and waiting on God to reveal his further plans and purposes for my life.

You know, it is often the best things in life that come after a long wait. Perhaps God is preparing me, molding me, and shaping the events that need to be in place in order for me to fulfill the destiny he has for me. Sure it's easy for me to say it, even though I believe it. Yet, if I'm completely honest here, I don't like to wait.

Maybe that's what God is waiting for.