Thursday, May 30, 2013

Leading On Empty

I have heard that there is a book by this title out there. I haven't read, perhaps I should.

Today, I find myself in a very unfamiliar place. I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am, exactly, either. It's weird, it's frustrating and I don't like it.

Inside, for myself, God has given me peace through this time; however, and curiously, it seems as if this peace is only enough for me.

My pastor's heart is still beating and I desire to be the leader that God has called me to be but, I am struggling to get back into that leadership role.

God's Holy Spirit encourages me, yet, for the first time, I struggle with having the energy, the concentration and, sometimes, even the desire to encourage others. How's that for honesty and transparency.

So many times during the last month I have heard people comment about how strong I am. I immediately think to myself that they must be seeing me in a fleeting stronger-than-others moment.

So, if you ask me how I am doing, I will answer, "Personally, OK, but being the leader and pastor that I need and want to be? Not so good."

I find myself relying on the presence and power of the Holy Spirit more than ever before, which is a lot, because I always have relied on him - he's all I have.

This will be a long journey, but I will make it through Christ.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Comfort from the Psalms

Usually, I read from a 5 lane, daily Bible reading plan. While I still strive to do that, I am finding the most comfort from the Psalms.

I am amazed at how the Holy Spirit is speaking to me as of late. Even though our hearts are broken we are encouraged by the knowledge that God knows our heartache and has a plan to redeem the events of April 27, 2013 for His Glory!

I hope to be able to put into writing what God's Holy Spirit is speaking to my heart.