ANGRY

Lately I have been feeling more. I sense God's presence more, I sense the anointing of his Holy Spirit and the passion of my calling more. However, I also sense something else more. Someone asked me this question the other day. "Are you angry?" Up until these past two weeks, my honest answer was, "No." However, now, I find myself getting angry. Not at God, mind you. I love him too much, trust him too deeply and know his sovereignty too intimately to be mad at him.

Here is what I'm angry about.

• I'm angry that I can't sleep through the night without getting up and checking the house - making sure that nothing is getting hot and that the smoke detectors have green lights.
• I'm angry that quiet times are hard for us.
• I'm angry that we have a beautiful home and can't enjoy it. 
• I'm angry when people call us lucky to have this home.
• I'm angry because when we stop working so hard on the house, our minds and hearts will be overrun with the memories and the pain that are both still so real.
• I'm angry that we won't be AS happy for Justin's friends and cousins when they reach milestones in their lives.
• I'm angry that we once pastored a growing church that was developing a passion for God, the lost and ministry to the community, but, while we have stepped back to heal, it has been reduced to half of what it was.
• I'm angry because that fact scares Robin and increases my stress.
• I'm angry that the enemy has people convinced that they can stay out of church for months and still think they're OK.
• I'm angry that for so many families, Satan's strike on our family proved very successful - walking away from church and their faith.
• I'm angry at what all this has done to my health.
• I'm angry that people offer to help and then don't.
• I'm angry that Robin now feels that she has to sleep dressed to make a quick exit if needed.
• I'm angry that she no longer feels safe.
• I'm angry that I lost one of my best friends.
• I'm angry that Robin could add many more things to this list.
• I'm angry that we are dreading Christmas.

So, to answer the question, yeah, I'm angry...

But, we have God and we cry, mourn and are angry together - not with each other. For that we are BLESSED!