Honesty and Transparency

As of today, I'm almost through the book entitled "Confessions of a Pastor" by Craig Groeschel.

It has been a breath of fresh air and has challenged me in so many ways. This past year my family and I have been through some things, some things that I erroneously thought that a Christian and especially a minister should be above or be immune to.

This book has really helped me to see my own humanity in a different light. What I have read is starting to sink in and, more importantly, change me.

I also am following the blogs of several staff members at a church near Columbus, Ohio who are attempting to go 21 days straight without complaining. It has been refreshing to follow and relate to the struggle such an attempt presents.

Problems, Prayer and a Laughing Duck

Phil 2:5 KJV

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:...

In several instances during the past few months, I began to feel like I was "losing it." Instead of waking up with a song or scripture verse in my mind, I would wake up to the sound of maniacal laughter. I would also hear it during the day, while praying or reading in my office. Always the same sinister "ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha".

The past several months have been a valley in my life, full of questions and concerns. While I was still praying and believing God for the answers, I couldn't help but feel like I was getting laughed at by the enemy of my soul - Satan. Physical problems in my family, lost loved ones seeming more lost than ever, families continuing to crumble and discouragement was running rampant.

One day last week, I heard the laughter very loudly. I quickly spun around in my chair and looked out of my office window. There, just a few yards away, were my neighbor's ducks. I noticed that one duck, actually I think it is a drake, opened his bill really big and let loose with that same menacing laughter that I had been hearing. Now it was my turn to laugh, hysterically. I have never, until that point, encountered a laughing duck, well, at least one whose call sounds like a laugh.

Since then, things have been different. Where there had been darkness, shafts of light have begun to push back the inky blackness. Some families on my prayer list are showing signs of healing. Broken relationships are being mended. Again, I'm waking up in the morning with a song or a scripture verse in my mind.

Are there still problems in my life and family? Sure! However the power and strength to deal with those problems is also present through my relationship with Christ. Am I relieved that I am not losing my mind? Absolutely! (Some might say I lost it long ago.)

What are you and your spouse or family facing today? Know that your strength, hope, fulfillment, joy and happiness are found only in Christ. He is the one who can get you through the times when it seems like Satan is laughing at and lying to you! Be fervent in prayer, asking God to renew your mind and give you the mind of Christ. Wait for God to answer - because he will!

Oh yeah, when you think you hear someone laughing at you, be on the lookout for a white duck

Ministry vs Occupation

Monday, as I was working, I began to simply talk to God. I was asking him to give me an opportunity in ministry. For some time now, my family and I have been waiting for God to open the door to a full-time ( or even a part-time) ministry.

Now, I'm not sure if the thought that entered my head next was from God or my own imagination. The thought was this. "I called you to ministry, not necessarily to an occupation." WHAM! WHACK! OUCH!

I remember back a few years, when I first answered God's call. I remember telling a group of married couples that I didn't know if I would ever make a dime from the ministry that God has planned for me. My gift is in a ministry area that most churches cannot afford and simply cannot budget for. I was immediately met with comments, such as, "I bet your wife hopes so", "you had better make some money to pay back your school loans" and "if your not going to make any money, why are you doing it?."

Funny thing is, I was OK with the possibility that I might not make any money and would be required to work a job to support my family in addition to ministering. But, somewhere along the line, I developed this notion that being a full-time minister, pastor, or in my case, a pastoral counselor required pay.

Perhaps, I'd be better off reclaiming my initial mindset (I know my blood pressure would probably go down) of expecting to be in servant ministry. God knows!

Much Needed Lesson In Walking By Faith

Have you ever felt like, not only did you take a step of faith to follow God's will for your life, but every step is clouded in the darkness of the unknown.

I've been struggling with that recently. When I finally answered the call to ministry, I was excited, I couldn't wait to get started. But something happened. Being in volunteer ministry has been the most rewarding, exciting, challenging and frustrating experience of my life thus far. It had been my expectation that I would somehow transition into a full-time paid position at some church. However, that hasn't happened yet and I sometimes feel like I've been led to a desert place and abandoned. I know I haven't been abandoned, but it does feel that way sometimes.

Today was our monthly sectional ministers meeting. Pastor Clay was there to lead us in a time of prayer. Wow, was that ever needed. As I listened, prayed with and was prayed for by my brothers in the ministry, God spoke some things to my heart. The first was that I needed to trust Him - he holds my future in his hands. Second, I lack confidence, I have an inferiority complex, especially around other ministers. Aside from all my faults, God showed me that he created me with characteristics that I view as weaknesses but he wants to use as strengths through his power. WOW!

Normally, I'm not an emotional person, but the tears began to flow as I poured my heart out to God. If you struggling with your self worth, if you feel inferior, know that you don't have to impress anybody. Be honest and open about how you feel and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to you!