ANGRY

Lately I have been feeling more. I sense God's presence more, I sense the anointing of his Holy Spirit and the passion of my calling more. However, I also sense something else more. Someone asked me this question the other day. "Are you angry?" Up until these past two weeks, my honest answer was, "No." However, now, I find myself getting angry. Not at God, mind you. I love him too much, trust him too deeply and know his sovereignty too intimately to be mad at him.

Here is what I'm angry about.

• I'm angry that I can't sleep through the night without getting up and checking the house - making sure that nothing is getting hot and that the smoke detectors have green lights.
• I'm angry that quiet times are hard for us.
• I'm angry that we have a beautiful home and can't enjoy it. 
• I'm angry when people call us lucky to have this home.
• I'm angry because when we stop working so hard on the house, our minds and hearts will be overrun with the memories and the pain that are both still so real.
• I'm angry that we won't be AS happy for Justin's friends and cousins when they reach milestones in their lives.
• I'm angry that we once pastored a growing church that was developing a passion for God, the lost and ministry to the community, but, while we have stepped back to heal, it has been reduced to half of what it was.
• I'm angry because that fact scares Robin and increases my stress.
• I'm angry that the enemy has people convinced that they can stay out of church for months and still think they're OK.
• I'm angry that for so many families, Satan's strike on our family proved very successful - walking away from church and their faith.
• I'm angry at what all this has done to my health.
• I'm angry that people offer to help and then don't.
• I'm angry that Robin now feels that she has to sleep dressed to make a quick exit if needed.
• I'm angry that she no longer feels safe.
• I'm angry that I lost one of my best friends.
• I'm angry that Robin could add many more things to this list.
• I'm angry that we are dreading Christmas.

So, to answer the question, yeah, I'm angry...

But, we have God and we cry, mourn and are angry together - not with each other. For that we are BLESSED! 

Behind Me?

Have you ever heard someone say, "We're behind you all the way," I've had people tell me that and I always wonder, "How far behind me?"

 I mean,  if I stumble will you be close enough to catch me? Or, are you observing me from a distance? Are you so far behind me that I can't even see you or sense your presence? 

People mean well and there are those who, by their actions, have demonstrated that they are, indeed, behind me without saying the words. However, often, if we're not careful, the words easily slip off of our tongue into an abyss of good intentions.

But there is one who not only is behind us. He is in front, beside and in us through His Holy Spirit.

²⁴ "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
    but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Proverbs 18:24

Our culture teaches us to play it safe, keep your distance, don't get too involved. But that doesn't

reflect Christ. Christ sticks close to live through us, not just for us, but for others to see. And, for others to see well, we need to be close.

Who are you behind?